Anger Problems ?

When treating or dealing with anger issues, there are many suggestions for anger management strategies. Each of them is intended to help people who are hot-tempered and frequently have fits of rage. Anger, although a healthy and normal response to upsetting situations, it can be intense to the point of violence.

When a person experiences regular episodes of angry or reckless behavior, there’s a problem, one that needs to be dealt with. Anger management strategies are designed to help an individual return to a healthy, normal existence.

Taking a time-out is considered a healthy management strategy. Removing oneself from a situation or person that makes a person angry is practicing time-out. This anger management strategy might simply require a ride in the car or a walk on the beach.

Playing sports or working out will help an individual to use up some of the extra energy without involving others. Some other suggestions for time-out are reading, listening to music or sitting alone in silence. Each of these activities are healthy anger management strategies.

A second example of a healthy anger management strategy is, owning up to the anger. Although the anger is usually brought on by an irritating situation or a confrontation with another individual, the anger actually belongs to the troubled person.

Only the person who’s experiencing the anger issues can control their outbursts. Only the person with the anger issues can learn anger management strategies and how to deal with their feelings in a healthy way. When an individual becomes mad or upset they need to try to disclose the reasons for their anger whether it is hurt, fear, frustration sadness, confusion , jealousy or whatever seems to bring unleash the rage.

Another healthy anger management strategy is to look back on those situations that upset an individual and try to find ways to make changes. Learning the cause of the anger may help the individual to avoid those situations. Not only might the person learn to avoid these incidents but they might also choose to take what they’ve learned and attempt to deal with the situation without bursting into a frenzy.

A fourth suggestion regarding healthy management strategies is to confront the situation or person. Talk to the person or people involved, calmly of course, to try to determine the root of the problem. The angry individual might actually discover that the whole thing was a mix-up, a misunderstanding.

The individual might also try asking the person or people in the situation to think about their behavior and perhaps even change it. It may be surprising what people would be willing to do to help the person who is attempting to deal with their problems with anger.

Hopefully everything will work out for the best. If not there has to be room for acceptance. Sometimes a person must simply accept the situations and people they cannot change and either deal with it or walk away.

Learning healthy anger management strategies should be considered by those with anger problems. There are many books published regarding anger and anger management. There is also a wealth of information available on the Internet for those who are attempting to deal with their anger by learning healthy anger management strategies.

Warren Peters
http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/learning-healthy-anger-management-strategies-133623.html

Anger is unavoidable. Feelings of anger are triggered by factors in our environment and are accompanied by certain physiological reactions. Anger management focuses on the negative expression of these feelings. When one externalizes anger, one can mistreat the world around him.

Teenagers have a unique experience with anger. Adolescence is a major growth stage emotionally, socially and physically. Teenagers go through this stage without the benefit of a fully mature brain. Thus, their understanding and ability to self-regulate their emotions is often difficult. There are, however, several ways in which teenagers can gain better control of anger management. Managing anger involves becoming aware of the physiological “signals”, such as blood pressure and heart rate, before the thinking part of the brain is bypassed and the action part of the brain is engaged.

Following are some of the concepts I offer teens:

1. It takes 10 steps before you “lose” your temper. Here’s an example: If I throw a ball to you, you catch it. However, if you were two-years-old, it might hit you in the face. Through trail and error, you have learned to lift your hands up, cup your hands, keep your eyes on the ball, bring your hands together at the right moment, press hard enough to keep the ball in your hands and suddenly you have caught the ball.

This “catching the ball” technique took months or maybe years to master. In the same way, learning techniques to control your anger takes time to learn. Let’s take a look at how we can break down the way we react in a situation to see how we might handle our anger differently:

You ask your mom if you can go out while thinking to yourself: “She won’t let me.” You feel sick to your stomach, your heart races. You feel hot and angry and you’re ready for a fight.
A little too rudely, you ask your mom if you can go out. She responds to your tone of voice and says “no.” You explode and scream, “I knew you were going to say that!” You go to your room and slam the door. You kick the bed and throw yourself down and think hateful thoughts. In order to begin to control your anger, you need to deconstruct your behavior and see all these “steps” you’ve gone through.

2. Prevention is the best medicine. If you understand step 1 and step 2 of your angry reaction, you can prevent steps 3, 4 and 5 from happening. Awareness is the key. Catching yourself before those other steps occur takes practice (like a child learning to catch a ball). You need to find a way to prevent yourself from going too far. In our example, from the moment you thought about asking your mom for permission to go out, you felt and behaved angrily. You need an alternative plan. One alternative during the early stages of anger is to pause and tell yourself, “I’ve got to break this pattern. Acting this way solves nothing. I don’t feel good when I get distressed. I need to calm down and then cope with what I’m feeling.” How do you do that?

• Take a deep breath. This allows you the opportunity to plan a different conversation with your mother.
• Use an external “reminder” to “stop, look, and listen” to different behavioral options. For instance, wearing a certain bracelet, ring or band can be a reminder for you that you need to stop long enough to consider the outcome of the path you are on.
• Give yourself a break. Go outside for a bit. Take 10 deep breaths. Go to your room, lie down and listen to music. Write a page in your journal. Any of these techniques will allow you the “space” to talk yourself through the problem at hand.

3. Like that child learning to catch the ball, it takes time to learn to control your behavior. In the event that you reach the point of losing your temper and expressing your anger, you need a plan as well. Some have found the following techniques as helpful at times like these: going for a run, punching a pillow, or throwing a ball. Screaming into your pillow can be more productive than screaming at your mother. These physical releases can produce a calmer state in which you can take a look at what led to the angry response and make a plan for the next time it happens.

4. Finally, write yourself a letter. Tell yourself the situations that trigger your anger. Describe the first steps as you move towards an angry outburst. Then, describe alternative plans for calming yourself and dealing reasonably with your anger. Give specific behavioral options that you’ve learned and calm you down at that stage. Also include plans for safe releases of your anger if it goes too far. This letter should be available at all times. Your own words can be your best coach when you feel circumstances getting out of control.

Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group – Reprints Accepted – Two links must be active in the bio.

Laura Doerflinger, MS, LMHC
http://www.articlesbase.com/teenagers-articles/anger-management-for-teens-self-help-steps-to-control-your-emotions-734740.html

Change is difficult, especially for children! The “thinking” part of their brains is not completely developed yet and their emotions are immature. Although children are born with distinctive dispositions, they are effected by the emotional environment in which they are raised. Thus, parents are ultimately responsible for two levels of emotional inheritance; one nature, the other, nurture. Genetic dispositions are more difficult to identify and control. However, environmental factors are more malleable. Generally, parents are aware that their emotions, like anger, effect their children’s emotional development.

Many parents reach out for help to find emotional balance and self-regulation. As parents learn skills and change, their children change too. But learning new skills for changing behavior is not limited to parents. Children can learn anger management skills as well.

Here are 5 ways to assist your children toward self-regulated emotional selves

1. Identify emotions: Make or buy a set of feeling cards which show feeling faces with feeling words. Sit down with your child and have him pick out 3-6 cards that describe his feelings. Have him explain, “I felt angry when the teacher told me to stay in at recess because everybody else got to go outside.” Do this a couple times a week so that your child can integrate feeling language as well as expression. Make sure that you listen and accept whatever feelings your child expresses.
2. Role Play:Since the fight or flight response is natural, we cannot deny the urge to express our feelings in certain ways. When we feel angry, we may want to hit or yell. It is very important to let children know that they are not crazy for feeling like this. But it is also just as important for them to understand that it’s not necessary to fight or flee when distressed. One way to demonstrate the alternative feeling choices is to role-play with them. Pick a feeling card and show how your body wants to react when you see the word. Act it out. Then act out alternative behaviors for that same feeling. Then let your child role play alternative actions to various feelings. As you come up with alternatives, write a list of behaviors or thoughts on the back of each feeling card.
3. Self-Talk: Children experience self-talk early on. Self-talk often reflects the feeling tone of the environment of the child. One might live in a very positive environment and thus be enable to internally express positive statements. However, self-talk can also reflect the experience of a negative environment. For instance, an internal dialogue that states, “Mommy is so mean. This is so unfair. I hate life” can become “I’ve got to do better. I’m not good enough. Nobody understands me.” Children sometimes have difficulty becoming aware of their self-talk. I try to help them by describing the two sides of self-talk: positive and negative. As a way to grasp the concept of self-talk, I suggest they watch the movie The Emperor’s New Groove, where one of the characters, Kronk, demonstrates his positive and negative self-talk through an angel on one shoulder and a devil on his other shoulder. The angel and devil engage in a running dialog throughout the movie, which is very similar to our self-talk.  Children tend to identify with this and it opens up a discussion about their own internal dialogue.
4. Emotional Eclipse: “Catharsis” basically means the purging of emotions. Years ago, people were encouraged to punch pillows when angry as a cathartic way to release emotions. On further reflection and study, however, it was found that punching a pillow in anger only increased angry behavior! In fact, it was discovered that angry feelings were quelled and decreased when people relaxed, reflected and refocused. When I teach children how to choose calming behavior when they feel frustrated, I call it an emotional eclipse. Using my feeling cards, I show them how angry becomes calm. To help your child learn the emotional eclipse technique, write down a list of angry behaviors versus a list of calm behaviors. Show them how they can overcome a negative feeling with positive behavior and eventually they will learn greater control over their feelings. To demonstrate the behavioral control, I have children dance or jump up and down to music. They feel their energy increase, much like when they are angry. Their heart rate increases. Their body heats up. Then I turn off the music and we sit, breath and talk low and slow. Their heart rate decreases. Their body cools down. Children then understand how they can use calming behaviors to overcome their angry feelings.
5. Ultimately, children learn through modeling. How do you express your sadness? What do you do when you feel angry? If you act in ways in which you discourage your children to act, then you need to address your own issues. You might talk to them about how you too have difficulty staying calm when angry and that you want to learn how to decrease your reactions as well. If you behave calmly when your’re angry, make sure you communicate how you stay calm. Talk your children through your internal processes. You might say, “I felt really upset today at the grocery store. I was in a hurry and the clerk short changed me. I had to go back in and get her to redo the transaction. I didn’t want to be rude so I had to cope with my frustration. I just kept telling myself, she didn’t do it on purpose. It doesn’t help to get angry. Feeling upset doesn’t get me on my way any faster.” Parents have a great impact on their children. Make sure your impact is effective.

These suggestions have helped many parents teach, coach and counsel their children. Remember that teaching your children about the world of emotions gives them the tools to take care of themselves, have successful relationships and reach their goals in life.

Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group – Reprints Accepted – Two links must be active in the bio.

Laura Doerflinger, MS, LMHC
http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/anger-management-for-children-5-helpful-tips-for-parents-734727.html

She gets so angry when she cannot accomplish something. I am teaching her how to write letters and numbers and when she cannot do it the first time she gets so angry. I have explained to her that nothing is perfect your first time and that she is still learning, but her expectations for herself are so high. I do positive reinforcement when she tries, but it doesnt seem to help.

There are times she gets so angry I think she should be in anger management for children. She doesnt hit or throw things (thank the lord) but I need suggestions.

as long as she’s not harming herself or others (throwing things,hitting,etc) then I would just try to let her vent it out on her own.

maybe the next time you’re teaching her how to write (my 5 year old daughter is the same way-just started school) and she gets frustrated, tell her that you are going to take a break from it until she calms down. this might upset her even more (my daughter has cried) but stick with it. eventually, she will learn to calm herself and focus. my daughter learned that she accomplished more when she was calm and paid attention.

take a walk, read a book, or have a small snack then try to go back and finish the project. this helps alot and gives her the downtime she needs to calm down.

little ones are so ambitious. they want to succeed so bad and it's frustrating for us parents sometimes b/c we want to help them!!

hope this helps you