I have someone living here, but I’m beginning to feel exhausted & used. I moved to recover from an abusive past, but ended up housing a young homeless man who was also abused. I often feel like his mother, perhaps because my own son was in Iraq.
He has been great company, fun to be around, and helpful at times. I have grown fond of him. But he doesn’t work, which is straining my small income. It feels like he is hiding. He has no car and there is no work available within a 30 mile radius. I encouraged him to go to online school, which failed when his laptop broke down.
There are more problems, like knowing he has lied and dealing with his anger. It is hard to express everything. I think he needs me. I understand his abuse and long to help, but wonder if I can. I’ve been unable to confront him, fearing his reaction, due to my abuse. He has no where to go & no direction. I fear for him if he leaves, but wonder how to deal with things if he stays.
I need to overcome this fear.
I totally understand.
It’s really important for you to feel comfortable in your own home though…
It’s only fair to lay down ground rules and let him know that he is a GUEST in your home and he needs to shape up.
If he doesn’t listen… then yes, you are totally being taken advantage of…
If he doesn’t listen, he’s out…
Just because you feel bad for him does NOT mean he’s your responsibility now…
Good luck and God bless…
why am i feeling alienated, and ostracized by people and outcasted and what can i do if iam?
November 27th, 2009 at 4:48 am
I think that your question is also the answer to your problems and fears: you really need to confront him and talk about ways to help make your income a little better. Explain to him that you’re having problems with money, and that although you do love his company, you need some help. He could get a job from home[ like being a telemarketer, for instance ]
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November 27th, 2009 at 4:55 am
he is a draining loser full of excuses for his failure
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November 27th, 2009 at 5:07 am
…is this "free-loader" over "21"…? Unless you want to be his "mommy"…show him the door.
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November 27th, 2009 at 5:43 am
Wow. Why associate and nurture societies dregs, if your ill equipped to, and it bothers you?
Move away, get a job, and re-integrate with the human race, or play "I wonder Why.." forever.
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November 27th, 2009 at 6:13 am
You need to talk to him in a non confrontational way. You need to express your feelings in such a calm way that he can know you are asking him for help, not blaming him of the situation.
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November 27th, 2009 at 6:49 am
I totally understand.
It’s really important for you to feel comfortable in your own home though…
It’s only fair to lay down ground rules and let him know that he is a GUEST in your home and he needs to shape up.
If he doesn’t listen… then yes, you are totally being taken advantage of…
If he doesn’t listen, he’s out…
Just because you feel bad for him does NOT mean he’s your responsibility now…
Good luck and God bless…
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November 27th, 2009 at 7:06 am
You’re being an "enabler". Have serious discussion with the man, tell him that finances require his getting a job, becoming independent, and growing emotionally. Set a time table and stick to it.
If he fails to met the goals, then you’re going to have to exercise ‘tough love’ and insist that he depart your home.
As a side note, how do you know he was abused? Is the only evidence his story? How old is he? Sound like he’s developing using ‘abuse’ as a crutch for the rest of his life.
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November 27th, 2009 at 7:50 am
You have to be realistic and objective in your statements when talking to this individual.
If he gets offensive, tell him right off, that isn’t acceptable and that it hurts your feelings that he is acting this way towards you and that you’d rather focus on finding a solution to this situation.
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November 27th, 2009 at 8:19 am
It is time to choose.witch won is best for you.You have already helped him and now it is you turn.Let him go and I think that you will be happyer.Just say that you need time by yourself and that its time for you to leave.It may hurt for a while but you know that it is the right thing to do.Your friend Dark Angel.
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