I have 3 children. A teenage daughter, a 12 year-old son, and another 7 year-old son. My youngest has been having anger management issues. At our swim club, he plays in the tennis classes. He is typically the youngest, and so sometimes the older kids joke around with him. This gets him very angry. He doesn’t like being treated like a "little kid." He bares his teeth and snarls at them when they do things like this. I don’t know what to do. These kids aren’t teasing him, really. They just say something like, "Hey, what’s up buddy?" and he gets very angry!
He also gets very angry when he is losing. He and my 12 year-old son are very competitive with each other. They both are very involved in sports. When they are playing with each other, if my youngest is losing, he immediately gets very angry and possibly violent. He might throw something around the room, or go after my other son, trying to hurt him. He doesn’t think anything of the fact that his brother is 5 years olde
older than him, and he is smaller than his older brother, so of course he isn’t going to beat him in the things they do together. This competitive anger also applies in situations like board games and bowling, where it doesn’t matter at all! I
older than him, and he is smaller than his older brother, so of course he isn’t going to beat him in the things they do together. This competitive anger also applies in situations like board games and bowling, where it doesn’t matter at all!
My husband and I have repeatedly punished him for these acts, wheter it’s going to his room or missing activities. He doesn’t stop this behavior and I don’t know what to do anymore! He has also started to pick up swear words from my older children, although they do not say them often in front of him. He has been severely punished when saying these words in front of other people when he is angry. I have asked my older children not to swear in front of him.
What should I do?
Have you tried SPANKING
of course not
January 27th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Have you tried SPANKING
of course not
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Its funny I see negative comments about spanking
My generation had no need for ritilan or adderol as we had a little thing called DISCIPLINE
of course after reading all your bleeding heart comments concerning psychologists I can see why our children are the most over prescribed children in the world
You would rather give them a pill, then to spank them or discipline them
HOW SAD
January 27th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
well im 12 also but u shuld go ta da doctor and get dat checked out quickly!
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January 27th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
try to find a doctor/pyschiatrist
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January 27th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Snarles eh? you sure hes not a dog?
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January 27th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Yikes, get him to a therapist right away.
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January 27th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
all kids are like that it is a phase if not take him to a dr for like to see whats happening to him emotionally
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January 27th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
tell him if calms down you will treat him to something
(candy people not that) do that then teach him manners when he is calm. if that doesn’t work hit him hard
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January 27th, 2010 at 4:11 pm
talk to your older son. maybe if he lets the younger one win more often it can help, make sure he is being nice to him too. im sure that the younger one looks up to him. if that doesnt help maybe therapy would do some good.
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January 27th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Yeah I think he needs a spank right across his ass.
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January 27th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Find out if his anger has neurological causes or psychological causes. Take him to his pediatrician for a complete physical and then to a neurologist for a complete work up. If he is physically fine, then get a recommendation for a good child therapist.
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January 27th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
spank his ass lmao jks. everytime he gets mad give him like a 5 min break to cool off. hope u work things out with your son.
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January 27th, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Change his name to pumkin head dingle berry. He’ll apreciate it in the long run.
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January 27th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
I would take your 7 year-old-son to a doctor that can help him with these severe problems.
If it keeps going on for another 2 weeks do something serious. Like, No Sports for 2 weeks. Or something like that. You might need to take him to the doctors like asap.
I hope everything gets well soon!
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January 27th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
Counseling would help. Redirection would help. Distraction would help. Lessons on how to handle his anger in a different manner would help. Watch for the signals and don’t let him escalate that he loses control.
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January 27th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
same think with my cousin his about 6 and his brother 13 ..they come over to my house and play my ps3 and when the little kid looses he gets mad and beats up his brother.
lol i tough it was funny because his brother just sits there and takes the punches..
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January 27th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
He sounds very rude. You gotta talk to him now while he’s young. Violent boys become violent men and that’s a much bigger problem. Sit him down and talk or whatever you do with your kids. Just do it soon.
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January 27th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Try enrolling him in an activity where he is one of the oldest not the baby all the time.
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January 27th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
That happens all the time. Since he is around older people all the time he probably feels he needs to be tough so people wont treat him like a baby and maybe to get attention. You have to tell him its unexceptable, lay down the law, and maybe show him some tricks to control his anger. Like counting to five backwards or squeezing one of those stress balls.
he will grow out of it eventually
good luck
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January 27th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
Well many children do have the same problem when competing. What I did with my boy and his friends was as soon as it got angry they got sent to do something else. Pretty soon they were arguing less and less as they didnt want to be sent to do something else.
Talk with him and tell him that "growling" at people only makes them think of him as younger than he is. That if he wants them to think of him as bigger he needs to learn to have a thicker skin.
Remove him from any situation that he gets violent with. By doing it immediately he will soon see it is interfering with his play.
This should not take too long as he is old enough to understand and see that his actions are sometimes provoking things.
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January 27th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
This could potentially turn into something serious. I wouldn’t risk taking things from him immediately, because that could just cause further anger from him.
Maybe get some psychiatric help? It doesn’t have to be serious, he may not have any problems, but is just having trouble channeling his emotions and understanding things. It just sounds like he’s really frustrated. Reward him when he’s good, scold him when he’s not, but don’t yell or get rough because that could fuel more anger issues in him.
I’d sit him down and talk to him at the start of an episode, when you see it coming, but before it boils over. Talk to your 12 year old too a little for the issues concerning both of them. Let them both know there are limits. Let the 7 y/o know that his friends are not trying to belittle them, but are just being friendly. If he’s polite, they’ll be polite, and if they’re not, to handle it the same way, without getting angry, to let you or another supervisor know before he takes it into his own hands and gets upset.
He seems to have a quick temper and because he’s so young, he doesn’t know how to check it. It sounds like it’ll take time and work. My best advice would be to see a child psychiatrist that could suggest better methods on how to deal with things.
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January 27th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
you need to get a physiologist an take him to anger managment helping places
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January 27th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
Talk to him about better ways to manage anger. When he starts to get angry ask him "Ok, right now what is it that is making you feel angry?" Then ask his what he can do to make the situation better. Look for a positive way to handle the anger. Have him listen to music or even draw his anger out on paper. Do it before his behavior escalates and you will have a better chance of calming him sooner and keeping him from having a full blown fit of anger. If he does blow it and has a fit, then he still has to be punished for handling anger in a wrong manner. Ground him or take away a privilege and be specific as to why so he knows that this will happen when he throws a fit. Also talk to your oldest two children. Let them know that teasing and what not (even if it is not meant to hurt) would be best left undone right now. If he turns down right dangerous with his anger, do not hesitate to seek out professional and medical help. Sometimes it’s necessary. Most of all pray for him as well. I wish you the best of luck.
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I was an angry child for the longest time due to sexual molestation. These things helped me as a child.
January 27th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
One thing I fail to see here is your son playing with other boys his own age. How does he behave in a group where everyone is about equal in age and size ? Talk to his teacher. How does he behave at school ? Have him tested if you must. The kids who are "bullying" him now are friends and family. What will happen when he is a freshman in high school and the bully is some senior stranger ?
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January 27th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
we have 3 children and we have never experienced this scenario, mostly because they know better and they dont run my household, Where is dad?
Did you run the dad off because you wanted to be head of household? Typical of todays families and then the children become angry , rebelious , bad children, This got out of hand becasue of you!!!! You didnt want to dicipline your kids You wanted to spoil them because you werent spoiled as a kid, You want to be like the families on T.V. You did this , Dont blame anyone else, Take the blame and grow up!
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January 27th, 2010 at 11:47 pm
he needs to find a more constructive outlet for this. Kids this age need a definite "If you do A, then B will happen" mentality- If he is snarling in tennis class, then next time you go to the club, call a babysitter and leave him at home. Let him know ahead of time that this will be the consequence.
When your boys are playing together, and things are starting to turn, then let him know if he plays too roughly, than he’ll have to spend some time alone in his room. Be as unemotional as you can about it, don’t get mad, and criticize only the behavior, not the boy. When he’s ready to talk, let him know that you understand how hard it is to be littler than everyone else, and work with him to help him come up with some better things to do when that makes him mad. If he remembers when it happens again, then praise praise praise him, and make sure he knows how grown up he has acted (this is a key phrase, because if he’s mad about being littler than everyone else, then being praised for grownup behavior will go very far with him.)
Good luck. I have a twelve year old stepson with his own anger management issues, and after a few months of the same strategy, it was a 300% improvement- he is now on his way to becoming a compassionate, responsible, polite young man. There were several setbacks, but each one became further apart in duration and less dramatic.
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January 27th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
I just think that you’re spoiling your children. What I would do is think of a reward as something earned, not free. As for the older kids, make sure that the older kids be a role model for the younger one, because sooner or later, you’ll start to notice that the younger one will always try to be like the older one, even if they hate each other.
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January 28th, 2010 at 12:28 am
1. He is WAY too immature to be in a class with older kids. He doesn’t sound like he’s on the emotional level of even kids his own age, so putting him with older kids really doesn’t make any sense.
2. Call his pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist. He or she can teach your son better social skills, such as how to handle his anger.
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January 28th, 2010 at 1:05 am
No, this is not an anger management issue at core. He has security issues, and it is totally normal at his age since he is still maturing and finding who he is. He "beats himself up" inside when others are better than him. If his brother wins at a challenge, he feels the lesser of a person. I would have a talk with him where you point out what he IS good at and those qualities he HAS that his brother does not. You may want to tell him that his tennis friends are not very kind but he doesn’t pick on younger kids so he is the real better person. Your boy needs some extra self assurance and love. I would try to put him in situations where he is the older kid mentoring the younger. He will naturally be better at things than the younger children and that could help the self-esteem. Is also important that he knows that it is OK to not be the best at something. Everyone has to be good at somethings and not so good at others. It will also help if he learns to praise the good in others rather than be jealous of it. The praising will make others like him more and should make him feel that he doesn’t need those qualities of others to be the best that he already is. It is a very important step. They tennis boys will keep teasing if he feeds them with his response. Teach him to play along with their tease. Help him UNDERSTAND what is going on. This is where mommy knows best. Address it and be gentle.
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January 28th, 2010 at 1:31 am
sounds to me like you need simple discipline, your older kids shouldnt be using foul language in the home, thats disrespectful and shows a lack of discipline in them as well. im assuming youre one of those non spanking parents who wonder why their kids run over them all the time, think about it. and you dont have to hurt a kid to spank him you only have to get his attention and let him know that there ARE consequences for his actions.
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mother of one 9 year old daughter who is very respectful and polite and one 12 week old son who will be the same
January 28th, 2010 at 2:03 am
my son had some issues at an even younger age and i talked to my sons Doctor who referred us to whats call here as child development and they gave my some behavioral therapy so if its really that bad see what you child’s Doctor says I’m sure that each community has different places that can help they even have preschools that can help just have to know where to start and i would with his doc not just telling the doc about the problem because then they always want to try medication tell the doc that you want a referral for some kind of behavior therapy!!!! be firm you are your child’s advocate and you need to get your child some help!!!
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January 28th, 2010 at 2:34 am
my son has anger issues also, putting him in his room and ignoring his fits has seemed to work pretty good for us. they don’t last as long when he is in his room alone thinking about what he has just done. he will go in there and punch the pillows a few times and bang his head on the bed and then it’s all over with.
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almost 9 year old son